January 2, 2022

An email to the Abyss. I used to call this blogging.

This year I finished my education and began working. Neither are accomplishments in any sense other than that of the market. One consequence of these events has been a partial psychic catatonia, the experience of a small death. On the surface employment has yielded its usual rewards, namely the speediness with which time passes and money. I began to understand the draw of having a career: you are spared almost all of your thinking, and so you may be less likely to fall into the chasm of your thinking.

When work bleeds outside of its normalized time compartments and begins to colonize most of your waking moments, a new chasm can appear. When I say partial psychic catatonia I am referring to the internal experience of surrendering that which is necessary for independent and mystic thinking. A side effect of this is a totalizing harshness, which is a mechanism for self protection.

I’m trying to say, in too many words, that I have been a little unwell these days.